Monday, June 30, 2008

What Women Want - Are You Sure?

My mother and father divorced when I was a 1-year-old. My mother, brother and I shifted back to live with my mother's parents, who had both died by the time I was 7. My mother took on boarders to help her income, who were mostly single women.
I got to hear all the details of their love lives, as they talked to my mother after their dates. Because of this I got a very one-sided version of dating - the females point of view. This generally presented guys from a negative perspective. And it gave women from a positive perspective.
Consequently when females came to me for comfort and advice, from my teenage years, I gave advice that a woman having the perspective that was presented to me as a child, would cherish. And they even sat there agreeing with me. Yet when it came to it they did exactly the opposite of all I had said.
For example I could be saying that some guy was only after them for sex, and that he had clearly demonstrated this. They would agree that he was, and that they should seek for someone who would love them. Then he would turn up, and off they would go with him to give him sex and look back at me and shrug their shoulders.
For years I thought I must have been very bad at communicating and counselling. But I finally came to realise it wasn't me at all. It was them.
We have a collection of thoughts in our minds, from our experiences and those that others have expressed. Let's, for example, take stealing money. On one side we have the fact that having money has many advantages. We want to have our own house, a car and many other things that seem that they will bring a sense of well being and happiness. So one side is saying, "yes, I want that money." Yet on the other side we would have thoughts that say that a person owning something has a right to that which they own. We have those memories of how we felt when someone took something from us etc. Also we know that we will disappoint Heavenly Father if we steal. So we have that other side saying stealing to obtain money is wrong. Which we choose will depend on which idea is stronger at that point.
So often in my life, in the past, I have done what inside I knew I wasn't perfectly happy with: I knew God said it is wrong. So a part of me opposed it.
I have had so many women tell me this great collection of things they want in a man. And yet when they chose a guy he plainly doesn't poses these attributes. Women say (and I don't doubt it) that they want a guy who loves them. But the problem often occurs that the hot sex idea has also gotten into the head as a desireable thing. Of course the woman would, in most cases, vehemently deny it. But all these women that I discussed these things with over the years, and their actions, proved opposite to their claims.
I feel it important to come to realise WHY we should be morally clean. And what is wrong with lust. This is just one area where we need to become one with ourselves. Then what we say we want, and what we go for, will match.
Do you want spiritual security and heavenly wealth or physical security and wealth - Because they will often conflict. Work out which you want the most, and focus on that.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and being righteous like him, then he'll show you the things you need and make sure you get them. And his ways bring true joy.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

What is Important to me and Why

While some of what I'm writing here may seem obvious, I'm presenting it to explain the reasoning behind my outlook. So please bear with me.

We all have priorities in our lives. There are many things to choose from, such as money, work, our heart (spirit), study, social, church, family, sport, entertainment etc. It is interesting that we all have a different amount of interest in each of these things. This set of values and priorities, along with our opinions in them, forms our "religion". Every person on earth has their own religion; as the word "religion" actually refers to a way of life or living. Deeper religion includes viewpoints about life relative to what it all means: Where we came from, why we are here, where we are going after this life is over, how to live and why.

We all turn to others to assist us in working out our religion (whether deliberately or by what we just pick up as ideas). This can be family, friends, associates, the media, educators, professionals, unpaid religious teachers or God himself (the latter being extremely rare). Large amounts of religious ideas just come while growing up. If we never seriously challenge these, they will remain part of our religion for life. Unfortunately many ideas of society are false. They are good sounding ideas that we are mindwashed into believing from youth. Those people who turn to a religious group may make some changes to these and can then reflect the priorities of the group.

Otherwise people reflect the priorities of the society overall. There are instances of people being completely controlled by the group or society, but these are few. In most cases this is a chosen thing of itself, not a product of the religion or society.

My personal religion has made many major changes from that which I was brought up believing. It now runs along a parallel with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (nicknamed "Mormons")(http://www.mormon.org). I therefore believe in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.

My religion is no longer about outward actions to appease some feared God. It is about inner feelings of love taught to me by a God that loves me far more than I have yet learned to love him. My priorities are taught to me by him. And my viewpoint of life reflects his in many ways.

This strongly affects my outlook of life and my purpose, making them very different to those of society generally. I believe couples MUST share the same total religious outlook to have a successful marriage; particularly those areas they find deeply significant. While the time we are now living in is virtually the only focus of society, to me it has a much lower focus than eternity. We're here to gain a body and learn what we can for eternal use. While this learning includes all aspects of living, my focus remains on the spiritual, not on the physical.

This doesn't mean that I live as a hermit in a cave pondering my navel and its meaning. I play computer games and enjoy walking in nature. I watch science fiction, romances, some action, some human interest, intelligent, some comedies and religious movies. I also enjoy being out amongst people. But the things that bring me to life are those things of the heart (spirit). And so I seek deep spiritual input. My heroes are people such as Jesus Christ (naturally), Moses, Abraham, Nephi, Joseph Smith, Stephan, Enoch, and Elijah.

When looking for movies to watch I attempt to avoid those containing strong violence, swearing, and sex outside of marriage. Yes, I have often spent an hour searching through a video library only to leave empty handed. I don't keep music that contains swearing or presents sex as a focus. And the only "girly pictures" I keep on my computer are of those fully dressed, and not showing cleavage - generally positive, face focused, smiling/pleasant expression type photos.
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