I have often heard women say that if only some guy could see inside her he would love her. Even some guys express this idea in regard women. I would have to question what it is that makes them so sure? Is there some reason why I should perceive myself as something so wonderful inside that a woman couldn't resist but to love me?
I have some interesting news, for those who feel this way, to consider. During our pre-existence we felt inside each other. We can still do this if we get in touch with our inner being. As I am somewhat in touch with my spirit inside, I have no trouble feeling inside women. And can do so as deeply as I wish. I do it all the time.
So what have I found looking in women? Women definately have a greater self-perception of being romantic than men. However the vaste majority of women are just about average (obviously). The reality is that highly spiritualy beautiful (inside) women are as rare as hen's teeth. Oh, I wish it were otherwise. I've met ONE (married already guys).
Some may see themselves as being irresistable inside because they see themselves as super romantic? If so I would have to ask what is it that would make one person any more truly romantic than the next person? Most women seem to regard themselves as, not only being more romantic than men, but also more romantic than other women. To be more romantic requires more sensitivity than others. Great sensitivity requires greater spirituality - being in touch with your heart (spirit).
Most people let their spirit die (in that they don't give it true freedom). I have found that, generally speaking, people are alive until about the age of 18-20 when they begin to die inside. What happens about then is that people tend to feel they have worked life out overall. They have lost a lot of hope in regard the future (expectations of what our personal life will hold): They've become more "realistic". Further age, and particularly divorce, tend to increase the degree of internal death.
Members are better than non-members, in general (of course). But the next question I would ask anyone, feeling this way, to consider, is what great spirituality have they acheived and by what method has it been acheived?
Let me pose some criteria of judgement for your consideration. How much service do you do to others? Without actively demonstrated compassion how can anyone claim more sensitivity? Do you see the light of the Holy Ghost in you? Have you ever had Jesus Christ speak to you personally? Have you gone further and had Heavenly Father come and speak to you personally? Have you gone further and often walked and talked with God, as some have?
If a person truly wants to make themselves beautiful inside and reverse the problem of internal death there is an answer that Christ gave. The answer is to become as a little child inside. Listen to Heavenly Father with the faith of a child and the child will be revived. Let your spirit (heart) live. Obey more than just what you are commanded. Seek the Spirit to help you in expanding your understanding of spiritual principles to live. That way you are living on a higher standard of personal righteousness and will be more sensitive to heart feelings.
Of course this requires an acceptance of the fact that hope in the future can be totally revived. We aren't bound by our surroundings or the people in it (or not in it, for that matter). We must come to God and seek more light and knowledge, as Adam did. And then more and more. THEN if someone actually sees in you (and people do to some degree, even though they may not be aware of it) they will love what they see.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
What is Being Ready for Marriage? And/Or what Qualities are Important Within it?
I recently thought for a moment about the ex-wife of a close friend. How unready for marriage she seemed looking back. This led me to think of my own preparedness, and that of my friend himself. What is the list of qualities that we need for marriage?
It would be easy to make a simple statement such as "be God like". And obviously that is true. In fact that would say it all. But for us people who aren't like God yet, I think it best to look at areas worthy of mention.
The first thing to me would be that of learning to be consistent. For what value is it to have a list of things we should be, if what we are keeps changing back and forth? I've found full consistency can only be achieved when you are in full harmony with yourself. And you must know where you are going. This can only be achieved by being in harmony with what God teaches.
The next thing that comes to mind is a love of others. So much emphasis is often placed on being "in love" that the other is just assumed to exist. But we need a respect for others, even if they choose to be enemies. And a general desire to serve. How effective will be our service to our children and spouse if we haven't served others before? I saw a case of a female who had joined the church as a convert at 14 (her parents didn't join). Her parents only socialised in a very small circle. She had been brought up with her mother doing everything for her. She got married at 18. She had no idea how to cook. She couldn't use a washing machine either. It took her around 20 years to get to the point that her husband and children could rely on her to have 3 meals prepared a day. - no idea of service. She was "in love" with her husband. But had no real love of him. She eventually divorced him, saying he wasn't "understanding enough".
Trust me guys, if your girlfriend says this of you DON'T marry her whatever you do. It is a female expression meaning that a man doesn't always agree with her and hasn't brought her total happiness.
Everyone has to come to realise that it is only through improving their relationship with Christ that they can achieve happiness, not by their partner trying to be what they think they want (which is going to be inconsistent until we are consistently lead by the spirit). I'll come to more on this.
When disagreements arise is where we find out if real love exists. A person who keeps insisting on things being done their way can't possibly love the other person. A person who accepts things being done their way without a moments hesitation and compassion for the other, not getting their way, has a problem with a lack of love also.
Unrealistic expectations would have to be among the greatest areas of failure in marriages, in my opinion. Most church member males want a beautiful looking, perfect bodied, highly spiritual, sexpot in the bedroom, loyal, romantic, devoted, good with children, spontanious, sensible, honey with a good sense of humour. Female's requirements are basically the same - though they would throw in sensitivity, and claim(?) that to be more important to them than the bedroom..
Some say they don't want someone too serious. Yet they complain when the person does silly things. And how do you mix being spontanious with being sensible (stable)? It is truly a task to be spontanious at the right time, and sensible the rest of the time. As to being a sex pot, but highly spiritual - that is pixiland. They require different spirits (or someone with a split personality), in spite of the distortions people have in their own life styles - such never acheiving total spirituality. And if so sex driven how can you be sure of loyalty - particularly considering that this person has such good looks and body?
If eternal life is your objective then looks and body are totally irrelevant (in my opinion). But making these decisions first is important. It isn't the role of your partner to make you happy. Christ assures us that only he is the way to true joy. If you want a perfect partner you must become what you want - perfect. I have found (in relationships) that for every flaw one partner has the other partner has an equal flaw (generally with women it is far more disguised). It's called "birds of a feather flock together".
I sometimes hear members say that they are looking for a good church partner, so they are listening to the G.A.s and doing their callings, attending church, paying tithing, living the Word of Wisdom etc. That is good. They may get a person that also follows God on the outside, as they are. That's better than nothing, I suppose. How about Heavenly Father, is what we have to ask ourselves? What is our relationship with this God that we plan on spending eternity in the presence of? What was the last thing he personally said to you? You want a spiritual partner, not a mindwashed robot. I'm not suggesting that these things aren't important for a moment. But this is only a one-sided view of getting a good partner. The person must be spiritual from the inside out, not visa-versa. True spiritual strength comes from inside. What your heart FEELS. Not a collection of robot followed thoughts of someone else. The great prophet Abraham questioned, as well as obeying.
Have you discussed with God what things you need to do to prepare? He knows what flaws need working on better than we do.
Along with this point is to actually have the constant companionship and direction of the Holy Ghost. I don't mean that we have had someone with authority place hands on us and say to receive it. I mean that you are communicating with the Holy Ghost daily. This will help bring quick resolve to arguments.
I think another big issue with preparedness is realising that marriage isn't something there to serve you. I would repeat what I stated above, "it isn't the role of our partner to make us happy". We will only gain by serving our partner and children, not visa-versa. If you are expecting a fairytale you will be bitterly disappointed and blame everyone but yourself, and your expectations. Marriage is a wonderful growth opportunity. But it is like a mission. We have to work hard to gain the benefits. It is by rising, in spite of the struggle, that makes the growth. You feel the joy of the achievement, and you grow together.
It therefore is important that our fantasies contain the goals that we value. You can change your expectations eventually, by changing your thoughts of the partner you would value. Think on the good qualities that God presents. That is helpful to changing our actions positively, also.
It would be easy to make a simple statement such as "be God like". And obviously that is true. In fact that would say it all. But for us people who aren't like God yet, I think it best to look at areas worthy of mention.
The first thing to me would be that of learning to be consistent. For what value is it to have a list of things we should be, if what we are keeps changing back and forth? I've found full consistency can only be achieved when you are in full harmony with yourself. And you must know where you are going. This can only be achieved by being in harmony with what God teaches.
The next thing that comes to mind is a love of others. So much emphasis is often placed on being "in love" that the other is just assumed to exist. But we need a respect for others, even if they choose to be enemies. And a general desire to serve. How effective will be our service to our children and spouse if we haven't served others before? I saw a case of a female who had joined the church as a convert at 14 (her parents didn't join). Her parents only socialised in a very small circle. She had been brought up with her mother doing everything for her. She got married at 18. She had no idea how to cook. She couldn't use a washing machine either. It took her around 20 years to get to the point that her husband and children could rely on her to have 3 meals prepared a day. - no idea of service. She was "in love" with her husband. But had no real love of him. She eventually divorced him, saying he wasn't "understanding enough".
Trust me guys, if your girlfriend says this of you DON'T marry her whatever you do. It is a female expression meaning that a man doesn't always agree with her and hasn't brought her total happiness.
Everyone has to come to realise that it is only through improving their relationship with Christ that they can achieve happiness, not by their partner trying to be what they think they want (which is going to be inconsistent until we are consistently lead by the spirit). I'll come to more on this.
When disagreements arise is where we find out if real love exists. A person who keeps insisting on things being done their way can't possibly love the other person. A person who accepts things being done their way without a moments hesitation and compassion for the other, not getting their way, has a problem with a lack of love also.
Unrealistic expectations would have to be among the greatest areas of failure in marriages, in my opinion. Most church member males want a beautiful looking, perfect bodied, highly spiritual, sexpot in the bedroom, loyal, romantic, devoted, good with children, spontanious, sensible, honey with a good sense of humour. Female's requirements are basically the same - though they would throw in sensitivity, and claim(?) that to be more important to them than the bedroom..
Some say they don't want someone too serious. Yet they complain when the person does silly things. And how do you mix being spontanious with being sensible (stable)? It is truly a task to be spontanious at the right time, and sensible the rest of the time. As to being a sex pot, but highly spiritual - that is pixiland. They require different spirits (or someone with a split personality), in spite of the distortions people have in their own life styles - such never acheiving total spirituality. And if so sex driven how can you be sure of loyalty - particularly considering that this person has such good looks and body?
If eternal life is your objective then looks and body are totally irrelevant (in my opinion). But making these decisions first is important. It isn't the role of your partner to make you happy. Christ assures us that only he is the way to true joy. If you want a perfect partner you must become what you want - perfect. I have found (in relationships) that for every flaw one partner has the other partner has an equal flaw (generally with women it is far more disguised). It's called "birds of a feather flock together".
I sometimes hear members say that they are looking for a good church partner, so they are listening to the G.A.s and doing their callings, attending church, paying tithing, living the Word of Wisdom etc. That is good. They may get a person that also follows God on the outside, as they are. That's better than nothing, I suppose. How about Heavenly Father, is what we have to ask ourselves? What is our relationship with this God that we plan on spending eternity in the presence of? What was the last thing he personally said to you? You want a spiritual partner, not a mindwashed robot. I'm not suggesting that these things aren't important for a moment. But this is only a one-sided view of getting a good partner. The person must be spiritual from the inside out, not visa-versa. True spiritual strength comes from inside. What your heart FEELS. Not a collection of robot followed thoughts of someone else. The great prophet Abraham questioned, as well as obeying.
Have you discussed with God what things you need to do to prepare? He knows what flaws need working on better than we do.
Along with this point is to actually have the constant companionship and direction of the Holy Ghost. I don't mean that we have had someone with authority place hands on us and say to receive it. I mean that you are communicating with the Holy Ghost daily. This will help bring quick resolve to arguments.
I think another big issue with preparedness is realising that marriage isn't something there to serve you. I would repeat what I stated above, "it isn't the role of our partner to make us happy". We will only gain by serving our partner and children, not visa-versa. If you are expecting a fairytale you will be bitterly disappointed and blame everyone but yourself, and your expectations. Marriage is a wonderful growth opportunity. But it is like a mission. We have to work hard to gain the benefits. It is by rising, in spite of the struggle, that makes the growth. You feel the joy of the achievement, and you grow together.
It therefore is important that our fantasies contain the goals that we value. You can change your expectations eventually, by changing your thoughts of the partner you would value. Think on the good qualities that God presents. That is helpful to changing our actions positively, also.
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