Thursday, February 14, 2013

My Feelings in Regard Women

Irrefutable proof that a good woman can bring balance and stability to your life.

I was just looking at my last post and realised what a one-sided opinion it was. While it does sort of reflect my fear of dating, it comes out as if I don't really like women themselves or believe in dating. Which is far from the truth.

I often think of that joke that says, "I really like women ... after all, my mother was a woman."

I was one of two children. I had a brother that was older. But I really wished I had a sister. I would stand up for girls when boys at school would say that boys were better than girls. Though the girls never noticed this as they were too busy arguing with the boys. But it was my firm feeling anyway. My feelings were so strong in that regard that I had always wished that I was a girl.

That ended at 13 when I suddenly realised that if I was a girl I would have to marry a guy. And that didn't seem like a good proposition. I was then glad I was a male and could marry a female.

Yet some terrible experiences in choices of females has left me with a dread of how bad things can go in the dating thing. This is reflected very much in my last post. I have heard many women reflecting the same type of feelings; particularly those who have been through a divorce. One girl wouldn't date me when I asked because I didn't have a car. One girl I was in love with I came to find was a nymphomaniac who wanted to do it with 2 guys for the evening. Then there were the ones that if things started to look not as they wished, suddenly they had nothing to do with it; and I was thrown into the sacrificial fire: It was all my fault. Boy, I could pick them. Such is life?

At one point I came to the decision that Heavenly Father just tolerated his wife to have us as children in service to us. I concluded that I just couldn't live like that for eternity, and that I would just remain single and be a missionary for my life. In saying this I thought partly heavenward and waited to see if he would present anything to say that I was wrong. He said, "have you considered my servant Sarah, there is," and from there it began to fade out. He was quoting from the book of Job. He deliberately left it there.

I thought upon the person he had referred me to and realised that she was exceptional. Very exceptional. Unfortunately she married someone else due to circumstances. But this definitely renewed my zeal to find another exceptional female. I have since found several exceptional females. They don't grow on trees (as the expression goes), but they do exist. And they are definitely worth the wait.

I have had wonderful feelings flowing into my heart from some of these females. One of them had me spontaneously moaning and groaning with delight. It was just as well no-one else was around. It is a beautiful experience. I've looked in the eyes of 2 and wept with joy at what I have seen in them. Several have stood by me through some extremely bad experiences. And my mother has always done so too.

So when you come to read my post before this one just take it with a pinch of salt (as they say).

Friday, November 25, 2011

Dating - Does it Need to be a Horrid Experience?

Very often, before my wife passed away, I said to myself how glad I was that I didn't have to go through the dating experience anymore. Well that came to an end. And now I'm back in the thick of it.Sadly it has never altered (not that I thought it would). What bugs me about the process?
Women show interest until you start to suggest that you too may be interested. Then they go into games mode (I feel like lending them my computer and telling them to play games on that and not with real life emotions).
Once they begin games mode there is no stopping them. It goes from one game to another with a short normal time interval to lure you back into thinking that the games are over and you are safe. However it isn't long before the next game begins.
But they can be beautiful and very spiritual. This will also lure you in. Surely something so beautiful and spiritual won't hurt me, you plead to yourself. I'll have faith one more time. It looks like she's got it worked out now.
And as you move in she suddenly goes into a jump that makes you feel like you are watching Star Trek and she just made a jump into hyperspace and didn't leave the co-ordinates. And so once more you are confused and discouraged, wondering why you are doing this yourself. Yet you love her so much so wait and hope.
In the midst of it, and to preserve your sanity, you take to dating other women. This is safer, you tell yourself, as you can't get hurt. But be wary for you don't know what you may find and what feelings may arise without you realising it until it is too late. And there you are back in the same spot with twice the problem.
Surely there should be an easier way, you tell yourself. Somewhere there must be people that don't have to torture themselves just to marry someone they love. Perhaps these people who have arranged marriages aren't as silly as we think, you say.
Oh, wouldn't it be bliss. I could look at some female whom I admire and she could look at me feeling the same. And then instead of the romantic dating torture we just go on friendship dates. No discussion about being in love to confuse the thing. Then when we are already married and she doesn't feel any need to play games we can talk about romantic love.
Do you know how old I was when I had my last truly romantic date? Ten years old! Helena. We were together for 2 weeks and then I had to go back home a hundred miles away.
Before that eight years old. That also could only last 2 weeks as her family shifted.
What lovely times they were. Then females got hormonal and became confused. Strange erratic movements and crazy concepts plagued there minds. So now I'm thrown into it. Ugggggggggg.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Expressing Our True Feelings?

I don't think too many people would argue with me if I stated that women are far more likely to verbally express their feelings than men. The question then arises as to whether this is a good or bad thing? The next question that arises is whether this applies right across the board of all subjects in life? Thirdly, are the feelings expressed really what the person feels deep down? And lastly, why don't men express their feelings as much as women?
On the movie "Tootsie" Dustin Hofman (diguised as a woman) has this conversation with the female he is interested in. The female goes through this explaination of what she wishes a guy would say to her. So, as himself, he goes up to her and says these things. Her response was to slap him across the face and walk off.
During my life I have many times heard women say what they want and then go out and do exactly the opposite. I have had long conversations with women who have come to me for advice. They agree with what I say and then go out and do what they just said wasn't a good idea to do.
So before expressing a feeling it is important to be sure that it really is what you think, not what you are just telling yourself. In line with this because of so much nonsense being said relative to women's issues these days many things women are saying they haven't really thought about deeply. They are just echoing something that sounds good.
This creates major problems with a lot of trendy ideas being placed in people's minds. For example, women and men like the idea of someone special that you become one with: A giving of yourself to the person and they being yours. However so many women are mindwashed with the independance (i.e. women have been supposedly suppressed by men for thousands of years and now must be their own person) concept. It is impossible to be someone else's, yet be your own person, regardless of how you envisage this being possible in your mind. You are either giving yourself to someone else or you aren't. The two can't mix successfully.
While men would usually see this as rationally obvious I can understand women having trouble with the logic of this. I would therefore suggest to women having trouble accepting this that you start envisaging some senarios through in your head. Take them all the way. Invisage a man being independant but doing all the things you say. Then invisage you in exactly the same senario. Go through every step of the senario again - don't cut a moment short.
If you do this properly, and with an open mind, you will come to see what I mean.
I believe that the main reason a person doesn't express their true feelings is because they don't feel they will be listened to. If that is true (and I'm only throwing it into the pot for consideration) does this mean that the reason most men don't express their feelings is that they don't believe their wives/girlfriends will really listen?
And would that then mean that women express their feelings so often because they believe that people hear/believe them eventually if they say it often enough?
Both men and women are naturally more sympathetic to females complaining. There is a natural thing within us (that I believe comes from our eternal past) that makes us feel this empathy toward women. Which means that women and men need to overcome their natural desire to only perceive women as having gender based problems that require addressing.
We live in a society where we are pounded with women's issues. Wife bashing (almost no mention of husband bashing); rape against women (almost no mention of rape against men); women not wanting to stay at home and look after children (no mention of how men felt about the 9 to 5); The problems of motherhood (no mention of how fathers feel); How romantic women are because they like being given flowers (no mention of how romantic men are by striving to fix the car to take the wife where she wants to go) etc.
The reason we are pounded with women's issues is because women know their issues will be listened to. Why don't men say how they feel about their issues? Is it a, "what's the point?"

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

What I'm Looking for in a Woman - Love - Romance - Spirituality

When I was 4-years-old I remember watching movies where the end would have a guy kissing a woman. This was presented as the ultimate good ending. So I found a willing 4-year-old girl and attempted to find this ultimate experience. Neither of us were particularly impressed that we had found the path to complete happiness.
During the years that followed I had romances. But they ended with the girl shifting or circumstances ended it very quickly (it seemed to be my curse). I still look back on these friendships with fondness.

I had to change my mind on what to anticipate from a romance upon accepting the teachings of the church (not having been a member until 15). What is more, my experiences with one female member completely reformed my thinking on what a woman can be. There are several things that are options for a guy to decide are or aren't important in finding a woman that he would be pleased to be married to forever. All these have varying degrees of importance to different people. The following is a list of things that have had importance to me of varying degrees in my lifetime (not in any particular order of importance).

1. We can have positive feelings from looking at someone that we consider good looking.
2. We can also have positive feelings from "spirit feeling" a person that feels good inside.
3. We may be "in love" and have butterfly feelings etc.
4. Then there is the actual human love we feel for people.
5. Then there is the pure love of Christ (charity) type love we feel for a highly spiritual person.(I could add things like "respect". But those sorts of things would fit in those things mentioned. And I'll come to that point.)

Looking at these points:
1. This "pleasing to the eye" bit has several aspects that need to be considered. While, generally speaking, I would say that although it is very entertaining and promotes large feelings when first approaching romance, it really fades when real love happens. That is; we come to find a whole new world of love and feelings far beyond it: A spiritual love that is far deeper and meaningful.Yet someone can appear good looking because their deeper spiritual feelings come through. So the two ought not be confused. But the two are confused by us unless we really study the thing deeply.I should also add that the shape of the body has had effect on me in the past. However, very fortunately (and thanks to Heavenly Father), I have come to discover this to be a dark-side concept that attacks our true joy. For those caught up in it I strongly advise to give it away.

2. I'll deliberately keep this separate from points 4 and 5. I can feel people's perception of themselves and many aspects of how they see life, by feeling inside them. If you haven't done this much yet (as we all do it to some degree) reach out with your spirit and you will find this. It makes choosing a marriage partner far simpler than guessing by "the seeing of the eye and the hearing of the ear" type judgement.We are made up of a whole collection of thoughts and feelings on various types of life aspects. We have a spiritual section, a social section, pride section, lustful distortions section, romance section etc. And then you can dissect them further if so inclined. Each section is either well or not so well. Some are almost totally neglected in some people. And some are best left neglected. But this point is a primary area in successful searching for an appropriate eternal partner.

3. This may seem a strange parallel, but it is a perfect example because of the seriousness of the situation - People in war will sometimes use grenades. The problem with grenades is that if you throw them and they hit a branch on a tree they can come back on your own side. Only by using them correctly will they be the advantage intended. The same would be said of being in love. If point 2 isn't done properly then this can be a curse rather than a blessing.But, having said that, this is certainly a nice part of such relationships. And I believe it can only be improved upon and be fantastic (over the years) where the relationship is built on true spiritual love (point 5).I would like to bust a myth here and say that you can actually turn it off IF you really choose to (yes, you can). And you can equally turn it on where you find a good reason to love someone. I have done both. What you feed into your heart (spirit) is what it accepts in regard these matters.

4. If we have good love for humanity this love will also be present for our spouse. Here there should be shown all those necessary traits such as respect to other's opinions, rights etc.

5. For someone to feel this exceptional feeling about their spouse they would require an increadible spouse. This is a point that should be worked toward. This is where you regard your spouse to be so spiritual that you trust their opinion more than you trust your own. Only where you know that God has said something to the contrary would you not follow their opinion.

But most important thing I look for is a burning from the Holy Ghost that this is the person God knows it is best I marry.

Hopefully I've said something that will be of value to someone else in this.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Seeing Inside People - How Romantic or Spiritually Beautiful are You?

I have often heard women say that if only some guy could see inside her he would love her. Even some guys express this idea in regard women. I would have to question what it is that makes them so sure? Is there some reason why I should perceive myself as something so wonderful inside that a woman couldn't resist but to love me?
I have some interesting news, for those who feel this way, to consider. During our pre-existence we felt inside each other. We can still do this if we get in touch with our inner being. As I am somewhat in touch with my spirit inside, I have no trouble feeling inside women. And can do so as deeply as I wish. I do it all the time.
So what have I found looking in women? Women definately have a greater self-perception of being romantic than men. However the vaste majority of women are just about average (obviously). The reality is that highly spiritualy beautiful (inside) women are as rare as hen's teeth. Oh, I wish it were otherwise. I've met ONE (married already guys).
Some may see themselves as being irresistable inside because they see themselves as super romantic? If so I would have to ask what is it that would make one person any more truly romantic than the next person? Most women seem to regard themselves as, not only being more romantic than men, but also more romantic than other women. To be more romantic requires more sensitivity than others. Great sensitivity requires greater spirituality - being in touch with your heart (spirit).
Most people let their spirit die (in that they don't give it true freedom). I have found that, generally speaking, people are alive until about the age of 18-20 when they begin to die inside. What happens about then is that people tend to feel they have worked life out overall. They have lost a lot of hope in regard the future (expectations of what our personal life will hold): They've become more "realistic". Further age, and particularly divorce, tend to increase the degree of internal death.
Members are better than non-members, in general (of course). But the next question I would ask anyone, feeling this way, to consider, is what great spirituality have they acheived and by what method has it been acheived?
Let me pose some criteria of judgement for your consideration. How much service do you do to others? Without actively demonstrated compassion how can anyone claim more sensitivity? Do you see the light of the Holy Ghost in you? Have you ever had Jesus Christ speak to you personally? Have you gone further and had Heavenly Father come and speak to you personally? Have you gone further and often walked and talked with God, as some have?
If a person truly wants to make themselves beautiful inside and reverse the problem of internal death there is an answer that Christ gave. The answer is to become as a little child inside. Listen to Heavenly Father with the faith of a child and the child will be revived. Let your spirit (heart) live. Obey more than just what you are commanded. Seek the Spirit to help you in expanding your understanding of spiritual principles to live. That way you are living on a higher standard of personal righteousness and will be more sensitive to heart feelings.
Of course this requires an acceptance of the fact that hope in the future can be totally revived. We aren't bound by our surroundings or the people in it (or not in it, for that matter). We must come to God and seek more light and knowledge, as Adam did. And then more and more. THEN if someone actually sees in you (and people do to some degree, even though they may not be aware of it) they will love what they see.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

What is Being Ready for Marriage? And/Or what Qualities are Important Within it?

I recently thought for a moment about the ex-wife of a close friend. How unready for marriage she seemed looking back. This led me to think of my own preparedness, and that of my friend himself. What is the list of qualities that we need for marriage?
It would be easy to make a simple statement such as "be God like". And obviously that is true. In fact that would say it all. But for us people who aren't like God yet, I think it best to look at areas worthy of mention.
The first thing to me would be that of learning to be consistent. For what value is it to have a list of things we should be, if what we are keeps changing back and forth? I've found full consistency can only be achieved when you are in full harmony with yourself. And you must know where you are going. This can only be achieved by being in harmony with what God teaches.
The next thing that comes to mind is a love of others. So much emphasis is often placed on being "in love" that the other is just assumed to exist. But we need a respect for others, even if they choose to be enemies. And a general desire to serve. How effective will be our service to our children and spouse if we haven't served others before? I saw a case of a female who had joined the church as a convert at 14 (her parents didn't join). Her parents only socialised in a very small circle. She had been brought up with her mother doing everything for her. She got married at 18. She had no idea how to cook. She couldn't use a washing machine either. It took her around 20 years to get to the point that her husband and children could rely on her to have 3 meals prepared a day. - no idea of service. She was "in love" with her husband. But had no real love of him. She eventually divorced him, saying he wasn't "understanding enough".
Trust me guys, if your girlfriend says this of you DON'T marry her whatever you do. It is a female expression meaning that a man doesn't always agree with her and hasn't brought her total happiness.
Everyone has to come to realise that it is only through improving their relationship with Christ that they can achieve happiness, not by their partner trying to be what they think they want (which is going to be inconsistent until we are consistently lead by the spirit). I'll come to more on this.
When disagreements arise is where we find out if real love exists. A person who keeps insisting on things being done their way can't possibly love the other person. A person who accepts things being done their way without a moments hesitation and compassion for the other, not getting their way, has a problem with a lack of love also.
Unrealistic expectations would have to be among the greatest areas of failure in marriages, in my opinion. Most church member males want a beautiful looking, perfect bodied, highly spiritual, sexpot in the bedroom, loyal, romantic, devoted, good with children, spontanious, sensible, honey with a good sense of humour. Female's requirements are basically the same - though they would throw in sensitivity, and claim(?) that to be more important to them than the bedroom..
Some say they don't want someone too serious. Yet they complain when the person does silly things. And how do you mix being spontanious with being sensible (stable)? It is truly a task to be spontanious at the right time, and sensible the rest of the time. As to being a sex pot, but highly spiritual - that is pixiland. They require different spirits (or someone with a split personality), in spite of the distortions people have in their own life styles - such never acheiving total spirituality. And if so sex driven how can you be sure of loyalty - particularly considering that this person has such good looks and body?
If eternal life is your objective then looks and body are totally irrelevant (in my opinion). But making these decisions first is important. It isn't the role of your partner to make you happy. Christ assures us that only he is the way to true joy. If you want a perfect partner you must become what you want - perfect. I have found (in relationships) that for every flaw one partner has the other partner has an equal flaw (generally with women it is far more disguised). It's called "birds of a feather flock together".
I sometimes hear members say that they are looking for a good church partner, so they are listening to the G.A.s and doing their callings, attending church, paying tithing, living the Word of Wisdom etc. That is good. They may get a person that also follows God on the outside, as they are. That's better than nothing, I suppose. How about Heavenly Father, is what we have to ask ourselves? What is our relationship with this God that we plan on spending eternity in the presence of? What was the last thing he personally said to you? You want a spiritual partner, not a mindwashed robot. I'm not suggesting that these things aren't important for a moment. But this is only a one-sided view of getting a good partner. The person must be spiritual from the inside out, not visa-versa. True spiritual strength comes from inside. What your heart FEELS. Not a collection of robot followed thoughts of someone else. The great prophet Abraham questioned, as well as obeying.
Have you discussed with God what things you need to do to prepare? He knows what flaws need working on better than we do.
Along with this point is to actually have the constant companionship and direction of the Holy Ghost. I don't mean that we have had someone with authority place hands on us and say to receive it. I mean that you are communicating with the Holy Ghost daily. This will help bring quick resolve to arguments.
I think another big issue with preparedness is realising that marriage isn't something there to serve you. I would repeat what I stated above, "it isn't the role of our partner to make us happy". We will only gain by serving our partner and children, not visa-versa. If you are expecting a fairytale you will be bitterly disappointed and blame everyone but yourself, and your expectations. Marriage is a wonderful growth opportunity. But it is like a mission. We have to work hard to gain the benefits. It is by rising, in spite of the struggle, that makes the growth. You feel the joy of the achievement, and you grow together.
It therefore is important that our fantasies contain the goals that we value. You can change your expectations eventually, by changing your thoughts of the partner you would value. Think on the good qualities that God presents. That is helpful to changing our actions positively, also.

Monday, June 30, 2008

What Women Want - Are You Sure?

My mother and father divorced when I was a 1-year-old. My mother, brother and I shifted back to live with my mother's parents, who had both died by the time I was 7. My mother took on boarders to help her income, who were mostly single women.
I got to hear all the details of their love lives, as they talked to my mother after their dates. Because of this I got a very one-sided version of dating - the females point of view. This generally presented guys from a negative perspective. And it gave women from a positive perspective.
Consequently when females came to me for comfort and advice, from my teenage years, I gave advice that a woman having the perspective that was presented to me as a child, would cherish. And they even sat there agreeing with me. Yet when it came to it they did exactly the opposite of all I had said.
For example I could be saying that some guy was only after them for sex, and that he had clearly demonstrated this. They would agree that he was, and that they should seek for someone who would love them. Then he would turn up, and off they would go with him to give him sex and look back at me and shrug their shoulders.
For years I thought I must have been very bad at communicating and counselling. But I finally came to realise it wasn't me at all. It was them.
We have a collection of thoughts in our minds, from our experiences and those that others have expressed. Let's, for example, take stealing money. On one side we have the fact that having money has many advantages. We want to have our own house, a car and many other things that seem that they will bring a sense of well being and happiness. So one side is saying, "yes, I want that money." Yet on the other side we would have thoughts that say that a person owning something has a right to that which they own. We have those memories of how we felt when someone took something from us etc. Also we know that we will disappoint Heavenly Father if we steal. So we have that other side saying stealing to obtain money is wrong. Which we choose will depend on which idea is stronger at that point.
So often in my life, in the past, I have done what inside I knew I wasn't perfectly happy with: I knew God said it is wrong. So a part of me opposed it.
I have had so many women tell me this great collection of things they want in a man. And yet when they chose a guy he plainly doesn't poses these attributes. Women say (and I don't doubt it) that they want a guy who loves them. But the problem often occurs that the hot sex idea has also gotten into the head as a desireable thing. Of course the woman would, in most cases, vehemently deny it. But all these women that I discussed these things with over the years, and their actions, proved opposite to their claims.
I feel it important to come to realise WHY we should be morally clean. And what is wrong with lust. This is just one area where we need to become one with ourselves. Then what we say we want, and what we go for, will match.
Do you want spiritual security and heavenly wealth or physical security and wealth - Because they will often conflict. Work out which you want the most, and focus on that.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and being righteous like him, then he'll show you the things you need and make sure you get them. And his ways bring true joy.
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